Friendship happens when you’re bored at work

I gchat with my friends when I’m bored at work because I’m a bad employee (whatevs, I’m totally not though–I get shit DONE). One friend I talk to recently moved to Boston, and for the sake of the story, we shall call her “mabel” (though her name is, in fact, not Mabel, since she was not born before 1960).

We will enter the conversation in media res:

me: i know–i just wanted to be a condescending prick
mabel: bravo
me: what can i say?
mabel: pssh
you are so L.A.
me: i dont think you even know what that means
mabel: condescending know it all pricks
smelling their own farts
me: that’s san francisco
mabel: That’s both
me: please, like boston people are any better
with your haaaahvahd and your MIT
mabel: lol
me: and your historical buildings
mabel: Most of them are students from out of state
Like California
me: what about that freedom trail that you’re so proud of?
i get it! shit happened there
congratulations
mabel: Freedom trail is laaame
but it’s free
me: and your cobblestone streets
it’s all too much
mabel: lol
Let’s agree that the people holding this country together are Midwesterners
me: well, obviously
no question
mabel: alright then
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