Regret is a dish best served with oatmeal

Let’s have a moment to just talk about regret.

People say that you should live life without regrets, but those people are dumb and clearly don’t know the meaning of the word. Or they’re idealistic, which is worse, frankly.

We all have big regrets and little regrets, and the little regrets follow us around everyday like a flock (flock?) of mentally challenged puppies. I regret wearing this shirt; it rides up my side and I keep having to pull it down in order to keep from exposing my muffin top to my coworkers (My muffin top is all that; whole grain, low fat. I know you want a piece of that, but I just want to dance!–but I digress). I regret buying this peaches and cream flavored oatmeal instead of going with my gut and buying the maple one. Sure, I saved 40 calories, but at what cost? Now I feel like I’m eating the vomit of someone who recently ate a peach. I regret this. I am filled with regret.

The big regrets–the ones that stay with you for years–aren’t really like mentally challenged puppies; they’re more like herpes. It’s always there, but you forget about it sometimes, and then BAM! Flare up! If that’s not what herpes is like, then I’m sorry. I don’t have herpes, so I can’t say I really know. Though I’ve had cold sores before, and I always regret waiting to buy Abreva until like day two. But I’m an idiot who never learns.

I regret making it seem like I have cold sores all the time, when that is not the case.

I’ll probably regret writing this because it’s not interesting. But only time will tell.

2 responses to “Regret is a dish best served with oatmeal

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