My Thursday started when I was abruptly woken up by a phone call at the ungodly hour of five in the morning. 5 AM shouldn’t exist unless there is a party involved (and even then, you should at least acknowledge how late you’re all up: “Holy god! Have we been drinking for 12 straight hours? Christ! Well, it looks like I won’t be doing anything useful tomorrow”). In all other cases this hour should be slept through and forgotten. But no, there I was, jolted out of a peaceful slumber by the sound of a pinball machine because that’s the ringtone I chose. In a stupor, I accidentally answered the call and promptly hung up. But then it rang again, so I silenced it and let it go to voicemail.
If there’s a sadder noise than a tired and emotionally exhausted 20-something whimpering at a vibrating phone at five in the morning, then I don’t know what it is. Maybe the noise a puppy makes when you kick it–I wouldn’t know, since I don’t kick puppies.
So in the morning, while I’m checking my morning emails (which was all bullshit crap–not even a good groupon that I would think about buying and then not), I check the voicemail. It’s some stupid old woman asking for Louise. I guess she needs a ride to the airport or something? I hope she’s stranded wherever she is FOREVER!
I go back to sleep (though these last 1.5 hours of sleep SUCK), and when I wake up, I go about my normal morning ritual, which involves lying in bed for twenty minutes while watching TV and slurping up breakfast. When I have ten minutes until I have to leave, I get up, get dressed, and go. Normally. And don’t judge me–I’m a night-showerer. And yes, “get dressed” involves face-washing and tooth-brushing, and if makeup needs to be put on, I do that in the car. There. Happy? I justified my behavior to you. God.
But today, as I’m about to leave, I notice that my wallet isn’t in my bag. And I don’t deal well with rational thought in the morning. So instead of thinking, “Oh, it’s probably in my car because it fell out when I was taking out my phone.” I thought, “oh SHIT! It’s probably in Starbucks. Inglewood Starbucks. Super! I had a Menchies card in there and I was THIS CLOSE to getting free frozen yogurt. Also: credit cards! Which I use to buy frozen yogurt until I earn a free one!” So I call Starbucks and it’s not there and then I trash my room as much as someone can trash a room in two minutes.
Of course, I discovered it in my car a couple minutes later when I decided to call it quits and go to work anyway.
Also, someone used all of my coffee creamer and it wasn’t me.