Spring Cleaning pt. 1

It’s still technically Spring, right? Is it too late to spring clean? Whatever–I’ve always been a late bloomer. Except my boobs. Those things popped in EARLY. Fourth grade was hard.

ANYWAY.

When I got my computer two years ago, I transferred EVERTHING from my old computer (that I had from the beginning of college to the end) to the new one. Everything. Every picture, every document, everything. So today I was bored and started going through some things. And there are hidden gems in there, man.

When I was 19 (right after Freshman year of college), I thought about starting a blog, specifically a livejournal because I’m lame like that. I never actually did, but I wrote a first post. This, friends, is that first post. Written in the summer of 2006 (and has not been edited according to actual grammar rules that I didn’t have a full grasp on then):

This is my first journaly entry thing…and probably my last. I’m just hella bored.

The humidity is insane—I have an afro. I came home from work the other day and I had a little convo with my mommy:

Her: You look different.

Me: …?

Her:…Is it sweat?

Me: I really can’t wait to send you to a home.

Sometimes I work in the floral tent now, which is funny because I don’t know anything about flowers. The first day this lady came in and asked for impatiens (this flower that I had always assumed was a pansy—but then again, I never even knew what a pansy looked like so it was really just blissful ignorance) but I thought she said “impatience” so I apparently plastered a confused look on my face.

“You don’t know a lot about flowers do you?” she asked. I shrugged, laughed, and ducked behind a fern.

Who buys ferns?

Who buys 500 dollars worth of flowers that will die at the end of the summer?

Who has 500 dollars?

I had to watch American Idol just so I had something to talk about at the “water cooler.” When I say “had to…” I mean that, you know…I didn’t mind.

There are so many wee little 16-17 year olds. “Lisa, will you scan this beer?” they ask. “Sure thing,” I say. It’s good to be useful.

The code for brussel sprouts is 4550. A lot of people buy those little bastards.

When I was driving home and singing along to Westlife (which, I believe, I rock harder to than anyone else has ever rocked to Westlife) I kept imagining me hitting a deer during a really intense head banging/arm gesture and then the deer’s leg breaking through the windshield and kicking me in the face. All thanks to Westlife.

When my sister raps, I make sure she bleeps out her swear words. She also tie-dyed some stuff with her friend today. “Sarah tie-dyed her THONG” her friend joked. I vomited in my mouth a little bit.

I had a day off yesterday, actually. I played Kingdom Hearts 2, but whenever I heard a car door slam outside, I thought it was my sister coming home, so I freaked out and turned off the TV like ten times. If she finds out I’ve been playing, she will hurt me. For serious. She kicked my nose once, I think it bled. I got her back though, I pushed her off the bed when I was playing “the floor is lava” and she got a minor concussion. Did she know we were playing at the time? That is neither here nor there.

The most exciting thing that has happened in my house in the past week is that we got binoculars that can take pictures. DUDE, I’M FREAKING OUT. I can spy on my neighbors AND take their picture. No one can escape me!

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