Notes on this Thursday morning:
1. Office coffee is gross.
2. If you look at yourself in a reflective surface while you’re chewing on a plastic coffee stirrer thing, you realize that you look like a hillbilly chewing on a piece of straw.
3. Phil Collins rocks. I don’t even care if people catch me singing along. I wonder if he has a Christmas album.
4. He does not.
5. Hootie and the Blowfish are grossly underrated in the 2000’s.
5. My work has this one sculpture that is the shape and size of an award and I think is of two men kissing…? Either way, I’ve already held it and pretended I was accepting an award for something.
Very real feelings that don’t have a name, but should:
– That crushing disappointment you feel when someone you thought was cool turns out to be a racist.
Suggested word: crackerjacked
-The mix of desperation and optimism that accompanies staring at your facebook chat list (or gchat or whatever) hoping that a specific person will talk to you.
Suggested word: pitiope
-The rush of power that directly follows the sending of an important email.
Suggested word: megalemailical
-The feeling of pathetic uncertainty after sending something through snail mail (as in, “Did I actually put the thing in the envelope?” or “Did I somehow manage to rip a page out of my 8th grade diary and shove it in there too?”).
Suggest word: poubt
-The wave of self-doubt and self-hatred you feel when you realize that you put too much stock in social media things (e.g. obsessing over status updates/tweets, “Oh my god, why didn’t he friend me?” etc.). N.B. The younger generation does not feel this feeling; it will die out with the Gen Yers.
Suggested word: shamloss
-The shudder of happiness you feel when someone you don’t know very well, but whom you think is cool, says your first name for the first time.
Suggested word: namgasmic
-The fear that accompanies walking past a group of teenagers.
Suggested word: agifiated
Things that upset me:
- People saying “notorious” or “infamous” when they just mean “famous.” In the words of Inigo Montoya: “I do not think it means what you think it means.”
- How I represent the definition of insanity by buying the same brand of headphones over and over knowing full well one ear will stop playing within a few months.
- People asking me if “I like to party.” That’s a weird question and you’re weird.
- Hotlinking. I’m not sure what this means.
- People gasping in horror when I swear (“I never would have thought you swear!”). Fuck yeah I swear, you fucking fuck. Damn.
- Confusing “further” and “farther,” especially when it is in a publication
- That despite how much I drink it, I really don’t know anything about wine.
- People assuming I’m older than I am (which is really a sign of getting old, I guess, when you get indignant about that).
- That I don’t know how to properly dice an onion. I predict that one day this will embarrass me.
- My body’s insistance on being on a different time zone. I shouldn’t be tired all day then wired at 10 PM. I’m pretty sure that puts me on Japan time.
Things that used to upset me, but don’t so much anymore (depending on my mood):
- People using “literally” when they mean “figuratively.” Everyone should be allowed to be hyperbolic.
- When I order a vanilla cone from McDonalds (shut up. I’m low rent) and they skimp out on the soft-serve and make it really small–I guess I don’t need the extra calories. Thank you, underpaid employee.
- People assuming I’m not good at video games like Mario Kart. Does this mean I DON’T look like a person who wasted years of her life in front of some sort of gaming screen?
- My growing dependence on caffeine.
- The fact that when I write things, I really only have one or two things to say before I start making shit up.
- Flibbertigibbet (see number 5).